One of my favorite "giant monsters destroy Tokyo" films! It's about 2 giant, hairy "Frankenstein" monsters. One is green, ultra-violent and lives in the sea, one is brown, docile and lives in the mountains. They are actually referred to as "Frankensteins" in the movie. This is the sequel to "Frankenstein Conquers The World". It also stars Russ Tamblyn, Dr. Jacoby from Twin Peaks. The War, of course, takes place in the "Madison Square Garden of the East", downtown Tokyo. I won't spoil it by telling you the winner, so you'll have to track it down yourself. The suspense is KILLING you, I can tell! Have fun trying to get to sleep tonight!! 4 stars, go find it.
My older brother and I had one of these. Still one of the greatest/creepiest toys we owned. It was a robot with a human face under the face shield. Was it a man in a robot suit? A mechanical robot with a human head? Who knows?? But the way it spun around and sprayed the entire room with imaginary bullets was enough to make a 5 year old PLOTZ!!
I had this one too, when I was a kid. You wound the string around the top, yell "go!" and pull the string, and the last top standing won. Hours of fun!
Does anyone remember this?? I used to have one of these when I was a kid. I had a flashback the other day about another toy I had, Major Matt Mason. It was sort of a GI Joe astronaut. It was out in the very early 70's, when the Apollo missions were going strong. So I did a google search for it, and I found a bunch of toys I had when I was a kid.
The Fort Apache was great, because, unlike toys today, it had small parts and sharp metal edges. And yet, I somehow managed to survive! Choking and lockjaw were just a part of growing up!
There was also a "medieval" version of this toy, too. It had actual catapults, with little plastic rocks. Great stuff.
There was one toy I couldn't find online anywhere. Maybe someone else remembers it too. I don't remember the name, (which may be why I can't find it online), but it was sort of like a small circular platform, with a clear plastic dome over it. the platform heated up. You put these little plastic squares, about an inch square, and 1/4 inch thick, in the pod. As it heated up, the squares transformed into monsters. Then, when you were done playing with the monsters, you put them back in the pod, heated them up, and stuck them in a sort of "car masher" for the monsters. You squished them back down into squares. You could do it over and over again. I can't count how many times I burned the shit out of myself. Who the hell knew you could sue for that shit now? It was a character builder. I must have character up the ying yang.
*update!* I found it! The little crank thing is what you turn to smoosh the monsters back into squares. Anyone at all heard of it, or had it??
Back to the movies.... A few years ago, I found a movie called Blood Freak. It was made in 1972, and understandably flew under even the "cult flick" radar. Every movie has the right to have bad acting, low/no budget, etc, but this one abuses the privilige. There's a chain-smoking narrator who can't quite disguise the fact that he's reading from a script, and who has mid-sentence coughing fits. There's a monster that's really nothing more than a guy in a rubber turkey mask. The monster was created when the guy smoked pot and ate experimental turkey. No, I'm not making this up. The noise the Turkey Monster makes is loud, annoying, and apparently played on a loop, over and over..... and over..... and over....
Don't take my word for it. Here's the trailer. And, believe me, the movie doesn't make as much sense as the trailer makes it seem. 4 Stars! Enjoy!
Ok, when I first started this blog, I figured it would just be a way for me to bitch about shit. After reviewing my last few blogs, it's sort of turned into a way for me to talk about my obsession with bad, schlocky movies. Which is fine! I love talking about them, and I've gotten a few comments.
But, just for now, I'm gonna bitch.
If you don't know, I work at a local coffeeshop. It's a very "mom and pop" place. It's been around for 25 years, long before Starbucks decided they wanted to take over the world in a now-failed bid. (ha!!)
I am SO FUCKING SICK of people coming in to my work, and asking me if we can do drinks "like Starbucks"!!! A little word of advice to my dear readers: Do you get all dressed up, go to a fancy restaurant, sit down, look at the menu, hand it back to the waiter and say, "Can you do a Big Mac, like at McDonald's?" NO!!! YOU DON'T!!! Let me let you in on a little secret. Starbucks sucks. They burn...er...roast their beans a whole time zone away. By the time the beans get to the store they're at LEAST a month old. But since they're all over the fucking place, people think that Starbucks is the end-all-be-all of coffee. When people come into our place and taste real coffee, they're blown away! (Ok, I didn't want this to turn into a CoffeeWorks commercial). The point is, don't go into a fancy restaurant and order a Big Mac, don't go into McDonald's and order a Whopper, and DON'T go into a coffee shop and order a motherfucking frappuccino!! And, if you're dumb enough to go into a coffee shop and order a motherfucking frappuccino, and I say I don't know what a motherfucking frappuccino is, DON'T look at me and say, "You know, like at Starbucks??" I WORK at a coffee shop! I don't GO to Starbucks!! If you want something specific, say "I'm looking for a blended mocha. Do you have anything like that?" I would be happy to get you what you want.
Ok, I feel better. But, god help the next person who orders a motherfucking frappuccino from me. Before I cave their head in with the espresso machine, I'm gonna say "Didn't you read my motherfucking blog???" Then BAM!!!!
Here are some more from my collection that you should check out. Most of these I have on dvd, and might be able to burn anyone a copy, if you want one.
1. Eating Raoul- Starring Mary Waronov and Paul Bartel. A dark comedy about a couple who kill people who.... man, it's hard to describe. You should just check it out. More than likely on netflix. 4 stars.
2. Equinox- This actually was released on the Criterion Collection. Couldn't believe it when I found it! EXTREMELY low budget! HORRIBLE acting! Special effects that look like the director let his 6-year old handle it. DEFINITE 4 stars.
3. Tourist Trap- starring Chuck Connors (The Rifleman). He's a guy that runs a weird museum of sorts. He also makes mannequins that come to life. Also starring Tanya "Charlie's Angels" Roberts. Good stuff. Terrible. 4 stars.
4. Human Highway- Directed by Neil Young. Can't find it on dvd, but I have it on VHS. Weird beyond belief. The best part is Neil playing with Devo in a dream sequence. You GOTTA find this.
5. American Movie- A documentary about a couple of douchebags trying to make a low budget movie. The director borrows money from his relatives who are worse off financially than he is. All to make a terrible movie. Anyone who ever messed around trying to make a movie should watch this. I've heard that in some film classes in colleges, this is required viewing. You'll just shake your head. Great flick.
I'm bored here at work, so I thought I'd give you some movies that I've seen that some of you may not have. They're pretty obscure. (I think so, anyway.)
1. The Return Of The Alien's Deadly Spawn- Probably early 80's. I saw this one in the theatre when it came out, and back when they used to show movies like this in the theatre. It was only out for like 3 days, at least in Williamsport PA. I found it on vhs years ago, and made myself a dvd copy of it. Definitely worth looking for. Terrible special effects, worse acting. Gouts of blood. The 3 things I look for in a movie.
2. Nightmare- Again, very early 80's. Chances are, if you look this one up, you'll find A movie called Nightmare, but it won't be this one. Again, saw it in the theatre for the 3 days it was out. (God, I miss the early 80's!) It's about a serial killer that stalks a little kid. Can't get away with THAT shit anymore!
3. The Car- Starring James Brolin. Possibly made-for-tv. Back when they made COOL made-for-tv movies! It's about a Devil car that terrorizes a bunch of people at a church in the middle of the desert. The sound the car makes is classic!
4. Duel- Starring Dennis Weaver. Not as obscure as the others, but definitely worth seeking out. About a guy driving across the desert (what is it about cars and deserts??) when he gets harrassed by an evil trucker. Also, it's Steven Spielberg's first movie. After seeing this movie, my mom, if there was a truck behind her on a 2-lane road, would pull over and let them pass! Seriously!
That's all I can think of now. I have to get back to work anyway. I'll try to come up with some more... If you have any that I should seek out, I wanna know about them!
So, have you seen this movie, Murderball? It's a documentary about the US Quadruplegic Rugby Olympic Team. It was very good, actually, but not exactly what I was expecting.
It basically focuses on this one guy (can't remember his name. I'm terrible with names anyway!) who used to play for the US team. He's been in a wheelchair since polio took the use of his legs and most of the use of his arms. He was on the team when they won the gold medal a few years ago. Well, as what usually happens, he got older, and eventually didn't make the team. So, what did he do? Did he accept the fact that he's no spring chicken anymore and move on with his life? No, he did what any true blue American would do, he sued. He brought a lawsuit against the team for not letting him on, and lost. (HA!) So, did he then accept the court's decision and decide to focus on family and support the sport he loves? No, he did what any asshole would do, he asked the Canadian team if they need a coach. His only goal now is to beat the Americans who wouldn't let them on their team. He lives in the US, and coaches the Canadians.
Speaking of his family, he has a son, about 9, that plays the violin. This poor kid has a long hard road ahead of him. There's a shot of dad telling someone he has a son who plays violin, with obvious embarrassment in his voice.
He and his wife celebrate their 10 year anniversary at a nice restaurant. His wife lifts her glass and says "To you." Does he reciprocate, and say "No, to you." or "To us."? Nope. He lifts his glass and says "To the gold, baby."
This guy, and really, everyone else on the team, is an asshole. While I have infinite sympathy for their position in life, they're assholes. I could go on about what the team members did, but I've rambled on about it long enough.
I was expecting a nice documentary about the human spirit, rising above the handicaps life has dealt, that kind of thing. These guys are assholes. I can't blame the filmmakers for these guys being jerks. So, all that said, you should see it.
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