Ok, I'm now completely out of ideas for my blog. So, I decided to redo my last blog.
There's this drunken bum...
Ok, not really. I'm just trying to prove a point.
I'm REALLY fed up with Hollywood's quest to remake EVERY movie ever made.
I just found out today that Quentin Tarantino is remaking Faster Pussycat Kill Kill! He's trying to cast porn star Tera Patrick in the lead role. Tera Patrick is a beautiful woman. Probably WAAAY too beautiful to be doing porn. So, it's nothing against her. I just have a problem with remaking one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. And I WILL say, if anyone is gonna remake it, I'm glad it's Tarantino, because I'm sure he loves the movie as much as I do and will at least TRY to do it justice, but COME THE FUCK ON!!! It was done to perfection the first time! Along with Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, The Longest Yard, King Kong, (twice), Halloween, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Cape Fear, Freaky Friday, Cheaper By The Dozen, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Amityville Horror, Gone in 60 Seconds, Assault on Precinct 13, Willard, House on Haunted Hill, The Hills Have Eyes, War of the Worlds, Manchurian Candidate, Mighty Joe Young, Bad News Bears, The Nutty Professor, The Fly, Godzilla, Village of the Damned, Planet of the Apes, Island of Dr. Moreau, Walking Tall, The Pink Panther, Psycho, The Fog, The Out-Of-Towners, Rollerball, The Omen, Shaft, Ocean's Eleven, not to mention the planned remakes of:
Battle Royale, (the GREAT Asian film! See it!! NOT the fucking remake!) The Evil Dead (I KNOW!! They're gonna fuck up the only film in the trilogy that didn't SUCK ALL THE ASSES!!!), Conan the Barbarian, Logan's Run (Sorry, Cary, it's true!), Death Wish, The Taking of Pelham 123, Fahrenheit 451, Friday the 13th!! The Last House on the Left, Hellraiser, Tron, Clash of the Titans, Akira, The Birds! (AAAAUUUGGGHH!!!), Frankenweenie!!, Nightmare on Elm St., The Warriors!!!!!, Piranha, Escape From NY, Meatballs, Porky's (Gonna be called "Howard Stern's Porky's"), Short Circuit (I'm pretty sure the original sucked all the asses that the Evil Dead sequels missed), Straw Dogs, 1984, The Dirty Dozen, Footloose!!, The Thing, (which was already a remake, before it all got out of hand), the Swarm , Fame, and probably worst of all, Plan 9 From Outer Space!!!
Seriously.
I guess every idea ever has been done. In the 100 years since the movie camera was invented, we've done EVERY single possible idea for a movie. So, I guess instead of using our imaginations, let's just "reimagine" the movies we've already done.
Enough is enough.
Am I alone here? Is everyone clamoring to see all these goddamn remakes??
End of rant.
I feel better.
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13 comments:
Did I read that right? They are remaking Akira? There has already been a remake of Battle Royale. It was The Condemned, staring Steve Austin. It was a really bad rip off of a great original.
I just checked IMDB. Akira live action feature staring.....Leonardo Dicaprio. AAAAARRRRRRGGG!!!!!
It's a sad sad state of affairs. Can't say I didn't warn you. :)
I'm not excited at all for the Faster Pussycat remake. Don't get me wrong, Tera Patrick is an amazingly gorgeous woman... but you can't replace Tura! No one will ever be Tura or even come close to the portrayal she gave in that film. Tarantino is a great film maker, but it's gonna take a miracle for me to endorse this remake.
Next they'll try to remake Dr. Strangelove with Adam Sandler...
Aye!
Wait...I don't understand how they can re-do Plan 9...what makes it so perfect is that it is so utterly awful. Are they going to purposefully make a crappy movie? Run around and "accidentally" knock over headstones? It loses all of its charm that way! Silly fools.
Exactly! Take out all the mistakes and crappy dialogue, and it's almost unwatchable! The whole charm of it is the fact that Ed Wood had no idea what he was doing! If they write better dialogue and fix the mistakes, what's the point??
a long time ago in the county of kings (brooklyn) a long long time ago...
evan seinfield (from biohazhard, now married to tera patrick) used to deliver pizza to my house.
he was friends with an ex-boyfriend of mine...
they used to rehearse at the same rehearsal space on quentin road called ace if i am not mistaken...ah the good 'ol days!
Yeah, I saw on imdb that they were planning a remake of Logan's Run. However, I have a slightly different take than you on remakes. Mainly I approach them with an open mind, because sometimes - sometimes! - they are decent entertainment. I would definitely say though that most of the time they fail to even come close to the original.
I also don't hate remakes because sometimes - sometimes! - they clue some folks into the originals. Of course, this only applies if the original was more of a cult movie than a blockbuster, but it may help turn some people on to cool film makers or actors they had not previously been aware of.
And finally, we have the fact that most of the original stuff Hollywood puts out these days is crap anyway. Unfortunately, so are most of these remakes.
Yeah, I've heard that argument before. I understand why people think that it might turn people on to the originals, but that's like saying "Hey, I redid the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in the hopes that people will go see the original." With netflix and a Blockbuster on every corner, there's no reason not to see the original. If it takes Adam Sandler playing the starring role in Dr. Strangelove (2008) (just an example), then maybe people SHOULDN'T see the original. I know, that's harsh, but why remake it??
And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did like some remakes. I liked the "Dawn of the Dead" remake, the 1982 "The Thing", and some others. I just think most of them would do better if they just came up with original ideas. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I agree, but unfortunately most of the original ideas they come up with are just as lame as most of the remakes.
Reminds me of another point. I've gotten into Chinese films recently, and they always seem to make an interesting story just out of little slices of life. No slam-bang stuff, or contrived situations, which seems to be about 90 percent of what Hollywood comes up with these days. Just goes to show how they overly rely on that stuff.
Yeah, most of the original ideas they come up with are lame, and most of the remakes are lame, so out of the two evils, I'll take lame original ideas. Yeah, lame, but at LEAST original.
"I'll take lame originals for $100, Alex." :)
You actually touch upon a related point here; namely that most "original" fare coming out of Hollywood is merely recycled old ideas, many of them bad ideas in the first place. Thus, the appeal of remaking a film that at least was good in the original version.
First of all, I did some research. Shaft (starring Sam Motherfucking Jackson) is actually a sequel. Not a remake. He's playing Roundtree's (who has a cameo as THE John Shaft) nephew. I still haven't seen it though. Might be good and shitty.
Battle Royale
The Evil Dead
Akira
The Birds
Frankenweenie
The Warriors
Plan 9
Have any of these been completed? Most of them are movies that I love and hold dear (Except Frankenweenie. Fuck Tim Burton.) and would be scared of seeing remakes. I've heard of several of them being remade, but don't follow hollywood close enough.
Fuck, I don't want to see a remake of the Birds. My mom introduced me to that movie. I don't want them to take that from me.
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